Lists – Your New Romance

Alistsfter 22 years of marriage, in less than a day, it was all over. From sharing the load to carrying the full load over night. It’s a heavy load for one in a flash ( I wanted to write “a fuck” but evidence indicates his affair had been going on for over a year, maybe more) My admiration for single parents, which I am now a member,  I can only applaud you all.

You loose your partner, best friend, at a time when you need them the most. Penny Cheater has no idea what this means. He just jumped from one bed to the next in the first night of separation. Lucky PC!  But now you find yourself with what you use to do every day, what your Penny Cheater did every day AND all the fucking shitty painful crap you now have to drive to completion like legalities, finances, preparing house for sale, buying a new one, nurturing hurt children and primarily doing all this through a haze of humiliation, lack of dignity, embarrassment, hurt, unbearable pain and often a drink or four.

But in this very ugly process you do gain a new surrogate Penny Cheater in the form of “lists”. Your new romance.  Oh my, the amount of lists I have written. My attempt, your attempt, to organize your brain, keep it together at a time when you just can’t hold it together any longer. Lists ground you. They let you dump the overwhelming confusion on to paper to allow you  to deal with tomorrow and thus leaving the evening free to grieve the brutal loss and hurt of a Penny Cheater.

Kicking out your Penny Cheater is like having a baby. One day you are thinking for two. The next day, you are thinking for someone new. You instantly split the thinking into three or four depending on how many children you have. A pet or two just takes it to a whole new level.  Totally sucks yer brains out for a while until you get into the groove. keep-calm-and-groove-on-14

Loosing your Penny Cheater is the same.  Thinking, organizing, planning, living, loving, surviving….once shared by two.

Lists, lists and more lists. My attempt at keeping the loss of Penny Cheater together. Bring on the groove.


Can you bear it?

Oh you can read all about solutions to the Penny Cheaters of this world.  You can spend time reading this. You can look for anyway in the book , internet, counseling to make you feel better and of course you do need to do this.  But hear me, “time” is the only medicine. Don’t see your Penny Cheater. There is enough electronic communication today to achieve this. Don’t contact your Penny Cheater wherever possible. Get busy if depression has not locked you into your couch with a bottle. But that’s ok too. Just go with the flow. Fill the freezer with frozen food for the kids. And do your time your Penny Cheater has sentenced you to.

But it is time. They said two years when this commenced. I said fuck that, I will be done in one. I completed legal agreement in 4 months. I sold house in 11 months. I mBearoved into new house in 14 months. I hit a brick wall at 14 months and one day. Its 18 months now. I have more good days now than bad for sure. But bring on the two years. I am running for May 2015. Hibernation would be welcomed.

Brain fart:

Maybe that’s it. The bear mates with the female. Fucks off to mate with another female. Female hibernates and gives birth in the spring and brings up the cubs on her own. I should have paid more attention to David Attenborough and asked Penny Cheater to do the dishes on his way out!!

General P. Cheater – The Trench

TRUTH BOMBThe best way I can describe the Penny Cheater situation was like being a wounded Officer in a trench with two untrained wounded soldiers and a rat (the cat) in the same trench. Yells are flying. Bombs are dropping. Meals are sporadic. Emotions run high. The next day is uncertain. No one volunteered to be here. No one wants to be here. No one asked to be here. We were put here by General P. Cheater and his secretary. No one in the trench is quite sure which way to turn to get out. It is an ugly mess, poorly delivered, executed and managed.

While we wander through this no man’s land which use to look like our home but somehow has become estranged to us,  General P. Cheater barks his demands and expectations. He shows up to check on his troops to make sure his orders are being carried out, pretends to contribute, only motivated by guilt to his once loved squad, and then goes golfing for another weekend with his secretary and friends leaving the soldiers to just…fight through another day.

There are moments where the war stopped briefly. In these moments the Officer and the two soldiers found each other to reflect on the imposed chaos surrounding them. But General P. Cheater does not have sympathy, empathy or compassion to allow any healing process to begin. He returns from his weekend of fun to drive his old squad to win his selfish war. No man’s land will be claimed and divided.  “No pain, no gain” is General P. Cheater’s motto, as long as it is not his pain.

The battle wounds split open, repeatedly and more appear. Scars that will heal as best as they can one day. General P. Cheater and the Officer are connected by their responsibility to commence healing the inexperienced soldiers. But the General does not stop to see that the squad is gravely wounded. He cannot face his poor management skills if any. He continues to be unable to face the truth of his actions. His cowardly management of the problem in the trench is more weekends away with the secretary and friends (he told the squad he was going with the boys).

Run, General P. Cheater. Run.

(Note: In no way is this article intended to be disrespectful of those that have served. I can only praise and thank you for the opportunity of being here today.)

I remember.

Fidelity – what a waste of time

Wikipedia says2na-adham-ya-cheater-md

Fidelity is the quality of being faithful or loyal. Its original meaning regarded duty in a broader sense than the related concept of fealty. Both derive from the Latin word fidēlis, meaning “faithful or loyal”.

Urban Dictionary

faithfulness to a person, cause, belief, etc, demonstrated by continued loyalty and support.
he had no fidelity so he cheated on his girl.
The Free Dictionary

fidelity (fɪˈdɛlɪtɪ)

n, pl -ties

1. devotion to duties, obligations, etc; faithfulness
2. loyalty or devotion, as to a person or cause
3. faithfulness to one’s spouse, lover, etc
4. adherence to truth; accuracy in reporting detail


What a waste of time it was to come up with a word only to have it broken and challenged over and over again. Why come up with a word that has effectively NO dictionary meaning? And if it does have meaning, its just lives like a car accident waiting to happen.
I want to create the “Graveyard Dictionary” where words go to die!
I even got bored reading these definitions.

I Did not Need Penny Cheater to Make me Stronger! As so many before me in this situation, I turned for “the right” thing to do in absence of loosing my life guide and confidante of the past 22 years. Researched, web browsed, booked counseling and selected the scenarios that would solve the endless problems at a time when I, in my new state of “alone”  just could not. Baby steps forward, falling, crying, pulling oneself up again and taking another small step forward.

But in this process, everywhere I looked, repeatedly, the gurus on this subject kept telling me this experience would make me stronger. Oh how fucking bored of these words am I. I already knew how to walk! There is nothing I needed less than to be stronger than I already was prior to Penny Cheaters evil deeds! This phrase “makes you stronger” became annoying. Patronizing. Pissed me off. It underestimated me. Catch all phrase for people who didn’t know what else to say.

It implies that I needed to be stronger for some reason. What the fuck for? Do these same gurus tell those that are not strong to go out and get someone to cheat on them to make them stronger? Is this really a possible remedy?

3525402234_9804f33fbdI was and am already a strong person. I do not need imposed strength. I did not need or choose this workout! And what the gurus never do is answer what the hell I am now suppose to do with this apparent strength I have now gained. Help me leap tall buildings in a single bound? Run faster than a speeding bullet? I think the situation by default already has me doing these things.

If I needed this experience in my life because for some reason I needed to be “stronger” well trust me, I was quite content being a weak mild manner reporter. No phone box necessary. Or was I?

Penny Cheater also said….

“I didn’t want to hurt you”. Really? This was by far Penny Cheaters best response of them all.

I spent half my life with you. We will spend the rest of our lives crossing paths because we are connected through our children and you could not stop for one moment and consider this? You could not manage the situation to ensure that the outcome would be the best it could be for all involved? Especially our children! Coward. Self gratifying oxygen stealer!

This simple act makes me the better person. Shag and tell immediately. No brainer. Lesson to all. An affair hurts e..v..e..r..y..o..n..e but most importantly your children. As parents, we have every responsibility to NOT hurt our children. If one parent hurts the other parent, the children will be hurt. The fallout is contagious. I cannot think of anything more selfish. If yer gonna, then kiss and tell…..immediately. Hurt

Penny Cheater said…..

Penny Cheater said “The only difference is, I don’t sleep here anymore”. WTF? Ya dumb twat. (This is the kindest response I could control)

Penny Cheater said “I was going to tell you it was a golf weekend with the boys” and then Penny Cheater….laughed. Um…Do you think laughter was the correct response in the situation? Somehow I failed to see the humour. Spare me Penny and do enlighten me to what was SO fucking funny at our expense????

Penny Cheater said “I will take the kids camping. And you can come too”. Why the fuck would I go anywIMG_5126here with you now you fucking oxygen stealer!!! Stick a hot melting Smore up yer arse!

Penny Cheater said “We had only been going out since Feb 28th 2013”. Then why the fuck do I see texts from her fucking sister from January  2013 asking where the fuck you two are? 3 months my ass. How about a year? Maybe two?

Penny Cheater said “I think the “family should meet. I want you to come too”. Family? What family? The family you destroyed? I have a family with your kids but you are not invited anymore. Check out the fucking definition of family you naive, blind, self gratifying shit!

noun: family; plural noun: families
  1. 1.
    a group consisting of parents and children living together in a household.
    What did your Penny Cheater say to you?