As so many before me in this situation, I turned for “the right” thing to do in absence of loosing my life guide and confidante of the past 22 years. Researched, web browsed, booked counseling and selected the scenarios that would solve the endless problems at a time when I, in my new state of “alone” just could not. Baby steps forward, falling, crying, pulling oneself up again and taking another small step forward.
But in this process, everywhere I looked, repeatedly, the gurus on this subject kept telling me this experience would make me stronger. Oh how fucking bored of these words am I. I already knew how to walk! There is nothing I needed less than to be stronger than I already was prior to Penny Cheaters evil deeds! This phrase “makes you stronger” became annoying. Patronizing. Pissed me off. It underestimated me. Catch all phrase for people who didn’t know what else to say.
It implies that I needed to be stronger for some reason. What the fuck for? Do these same gurus tell those that are not strong to go out and get someone to cheat on them to make them stronger? Is this really a possible remedy?
I was and am already a strong person. I do not need imposed strength. I did not need or choose this workout! And what the gurus never do is answer what the hell I am now suppose to do with this apparent strength I have now gained. Help me leap tall buildings in a single bound? Run faster than a speeding bullet? I think the situation by default already has me doing these things.
If I needed this experience in my life because for some reason I needed to be “stronger” well trust me, I was quite content being a weak mild manner reporter. No phone box necessary. Or was I?