Christmas in our new home.
It is the season of giving. I therefore take a turn in events and have recognized that a new tradition needs to be established with Penny Cheater living with the Cunt in her house with her traditions. I acknowledge that Penny Cheater was most gracious in our first Christmas apart and let me have the children for most of the season. But this year, I feel that generosity needs to be returned and a new pattern needs to commence.
I suggested Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing Day. Penny Cheater said “The children can come over whenever they want“. What the fuck does that mean? “Let’s not plan anything coz it will cramp my selfish style with the Cunt”? or “Woeisme”? or “I’m a dumb fucking twat who has no idea of parenting and gently moving the boys on to a new tradition that will benefit all in the long run”? WHICH ONE DOES HE MEAN? Sigh.
Well, despite my generosity of giving over all three days, tradition has a power of its own. A place in our hearts. A place not to be lost. A place you cannot deny but cherish and preserve. Our children played along but on December 23rd they expressed that they do not wish to go to their Dad’s on Christmas Day. Christmas Day is here. With Mom. With the decorations, the traditional food, patterns they are accustomed to since they were born with or without their father. They have a right to have a say.
So, that is where they will be. With me. I can only say, that in my heart, it is my tradition too. Welcome Christmas. Past. Present and future.
Tradition is stronger than any Penny Cheater. There are some things that he cannot take away. Embrace it.
Give your phone to someone else. Tell them no matter how hard you plead to have it back to text your Penny Cheater, they are NOT to give it back until Boxing Day.
Then….get drunk. Very drunk.
We moved into a new house in August. Penny Cheater wanted his money to buy a 150 acre goat farm in the country with the Cunt – more about that later. Our new house is much smaller than our 5 bedroom family home. But it is comfortable. Cozy. Everyone has their own bathroom – clincher. There is a sense of freedom here. I can play music very loud. At first I found myself looking over my shoulder expecting someone to tell me to turn that bloody sound off. But there was silence. Welcomed silence.
This house is not flavoured with Penny Cheater. It’s Penny Cheater free. Part of me is SO relieved. Part of me wants to show him what I bought. It was so stressful packing up the old place and buying this new place that in the midst of negotiations I asked “And where does Penny Cheater sign”. I was so used to the tradition of doing things together that I forgot in the stress of it all that he was no longer part of the equation!
It is fair to say that this time of year is a tough one for a broken family. Tough one for me on my own. Christmas lends itself to tradition. 22 years we have created the magic for our sons. 22 years we have carved out our Christmas’s for our family. There are things we did. Things we always did. Things now only to remember.
Last Christmas being the first Christmas after Penny Cheater fucked off was strange. Dialogue went back and forth trying to find the “new tradition” for this broken family. At first Penny Cheater was coming to our family home again on Christmas Day for a few hours. Tradition and the heart of our sons pulled this debate back and forth. Penny Cheater thought nothing of doing this. He was fine about this. My vulnerable state did not see a problem either. Tradition beckoned. And then I woke up.
It’s not the same I thought. Traditions have been broken. Family has been broken. Penny Cheater broke them. What was, is now gone. Christmas traditions buried in a memory bank, in the hearts of our once known family and photos.
It is the time of something “new”. New traditions. New ornaments. New beginnings. Without Penny Cheaters. It has a slight flavour of excitement!
This is a tough one. I admit I have done this numerous times over the months since this nasty separation started. When I first “blocked” Penny Cheater from receiving texts and phone calls I can honestly say I felt a sense of cleansing. But its a tough one when you have joint parental responsibilities. You find yourself swinging back and forth like a pendulum. What do I need? What’s best for the kids? What do I need? What’s best for the kids?
As time goes by you unblock them again to deal with business. Business creeps up the ugly ladder again and this time you block text, phone calls and emails. Then another demanding issue makes you open up the channels once more and BANG you get yer ass stung again, so this time you block EVERYTHING. All communication, Facebook, your blog, any way of them finding out what you are doing, internally screaming the ultimate communication of “LEAVE ME ALONE! ”
And then, you have to open a channel again. This blocking and unblocking pisses me off. Without kids, it would have been one blocking activity. But with kids, you cannot deny that you remain connected for the rest of your lives. Diapers, teens, weddings, grandchildren. But, at least you get some control back from practicing this activity. For a while, you can take a break from the bullshit the Penny Cheater’s throw at you from their shitty selfish game. Lets face it, the one that leaves has no idea anymore what their children are doing. Too fucking bad. All Penny Cheaters had a choice.
I should swiftly add, that at least I am not paying for this divorce AND Penny Cheater clearly will be paying his lawyer for all his made up legal attempts to contact me and serve me these divorce papers. They even went to court to get permission to mail me the divorce papers. All because Penny Cheater did not have the common decency to tell me. Again.
A small piece of redemption. I’ll take it.
I came home from work last Thursday and there was an envelope from a lawyer in the post box. Penny Cheater has served me with divorce papers. Despite a letter inside from his lawyer saying he had left 5 messages, his business card and has been to my home to serve me the papers, I have heard NOTHING! Zero. Nada from Penny Cheater or his very rude lawyer.
After another major blowout with this Penny Cheater for surprising me AGAIN for not having the balls to say “Hey, I am filing for divorce” or “Hey, my lawyer is trying to contact you” etc, he did not have the common decency to TELL ME. Fucking coward. Hey Penny Cheater, have you noticed I DON’T DO SURPRISES!!! He was a coward while he cheated on me, he is a coward in divorce. Why? Using Penny Cheaters words “he did not want to hurt me“. Trust me NO ONE on this planet has EVER or will EVER again hurt me to my core like this nasty man has. If his mother only knew.
None the less, I cannot help but feel sad. I am sad that Penny Cheater chose to continue to not show a breath of kindness and consideration since this started in some attempt to find peace between us for his children. May his selfishness chew his soul and fuck her up. I guess gullible me expected something more given our journey ahead with our children. But hey, why would Penny Cheater start that now, or ever for that matter?
But in my silence, I admit that I am sad to close the door on once was my best friend.
Merry Christmas all.