Broken Christmas’s – Part 1 – Tradition

It is fair to say that this time of year is a tough one for a broken family. Tough one for me on my own. Christmas lends itself to tradition. 22 years we have created the magic for our sons. 22 years we have carved out our Christmas’s for our family. Broken FamilyThere are things we did. Things we always did. Things now only to remember.

Last Christmas being the first Christmas after Penny Cheater fucked off was strange. Dialogue went back and forth trying to find the “new tradition” for this broken family. At first Penny Cheater was coming to our family home again on Christmas Day for a few hours. Tradition and the heart of our sons pulled this debate back and forth. Penny Cheater thought nothing of doing this. He was fine about this. My vulnerable state did not see a problem either. Tradition beckoned.  And then I woke up.

It’s not the same I thought. Traditions have been broken. Family has been broken. Penny Cheater broke them. What was, is now gone. Christmas traditions buried in a memory bank, in the hearts of our once known family and photos.

It is the time of something “new”. New traditions. New ornaments. New beginnings. Without Penny Cheaters. It has a slight flavour of excitement!

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To Block or not to Block?

Calls Blacklist - Call Blocker-   by vlad lee This is a tough one. I admit I have done this numerous times over the months since this nasty separation started. When I first “blocked” Penny Cheater from receiving texts and phone calls I can honestly say I felt a sense of cleansing. But its a tough one when you have joint parental responsibilities. You find yourself swinging back and forth like a pendulum. What do I need? What’s best for the kids? What do I need? What’s best for the kids?

As time goes by you unblock them again to deal with business. Business creeps up the ugly ladder again and this time you block text, phone calls and emails. Then another demanding issue makes you open up the channels once more and BANG you get yer ass stung again, so this time you block EVERYTHING. All communication, Facebook, your blog, any way of them finding out what you are doing, internally screaming the ultimate communication of  “LEAVE ME ALONE! ”

And then, you have to odo-not-pick-up-webpen a channel again. This blocking and unblocking pisses me off. Without kids, it would have been one blocking activity. But with kids, you cannot deny that you remain connected for the rest of your lives. Diapers, teens, weddings, grandchildren. But, at least you get some control back from practicing this activity. For a while, you can take a break from the bullshit the Penny Cheater’s throw at you from their shitty selfish game. Lets face it, the one that leaves has no idea anymore what their children are doing. Too fucking bad. All Penny Cheaters had a choice.

All I got for Christmas was a Divorce – Bonus!

I should swiftly add, that at least I am not paying for this divorce AND Penny Cheater clearly will be paying his lawyer for all his made up legal attempts to contact me and serve me these divorce papers. They even went to court to get permission to mail me the divorce papers. All because Penny Cheater did not have the common decency to tell me. Again.

A small piece of redemption. I’ll take it.

🙂

All I Got for Christmas was a Divorce

I came home christmas divorcefrom work last Thursday and there was an envelope from a lawyer in the post box. Penny Cheater has served me with divorce papers. Despite a letter inside from his lawyer saying he had left 5 messages, his business card and has been to my home to serve me the papers, I have heard NOTHING! Zero. Nada from Penny Cheater or his very rude lawyer.

After another major blowout with this Penny Cheater for surprising me AGAIN  for not having the balls to say “Hey, I am filing for divorce” or “Hey, my lawyer is trying to contact you” etc, he did not have the common decency to TELL ME. Fucking coward. Hey Penny Cheater, have you noticed I DON’T DO SURPRISES!!! He was a coward while he cheated on me, he is a coward in divorce. Why? Using Penny Cheaters words “he did not want to hurt me“. Trust me NO ONE on this planet has EVER or will EVER again hurt me to my core like this nasty man has. If his mother only knew.

Love & DivorceNone the less, I cannot help but feel sad. I am sad that Penny Cheater chose to continue to not show a breath of kindness and consideration since this started in some attempt to find peace between us for his children. May his selfishness chew his soul and fuck her up. I guess gullible me expected something more given our journey ahead with our children. But hey, why would Penny Cheater start that now, or ever for that matter?

But in my silence, I admit that I am sad to close the door on once was my best friend.

Merry Christmas all.

The DT’s

drunk_texting.jpg

YES! Send the fucker!

DT’s = Drunken Texting. Oh the wicked joys. This modern communication gives you an outlet for you to say what you are really thinking, feeling, screaming inside.

Embrace it. Get on with it. I like to think of it as therapy. Personal unbarred, say what you need to say, let it loose, have another glass and text the Penny Cheater’s of this world exactly what you think. Fuck the advice. Fuck the rules of preserving dignity. WHAT dignity? The Penny Cheaters strip you of all of who you use to be by sharing their lies with people, your joint friends, and making you the butt of their joke for the day. They have to. Its how they justify their guilt. Fuck them. Fuck them all.

So what have you got left? Nothing. So send those DT’s. Who cares. You have nothing left of yourself to preserve. Penny Cheater took it all away from you. Bring it on.

Do you want them back?

IMG_5662 In many splits with a Penny Cheater, you are asked repeatedly “would you take them back“? A scary question when you are vulnerable, overwhelmed with now 100% of the parental duties and maintaining a home, the loneliness, the empty bed for the first time in many many years. What would you do?

I worried about this subject when the texts came through 3 months after I kicked him out. “You are beautiful“,  “I still think of you every day” – I turned to my new confidante – the internet. I researched how to behave and what was the best approach. The gurus said, be polite, be strong, be diplomatic.

IMG_5663Are you fucking kidding me? I decided that the for me the gurus were wrong. I recognized the pain. the extreme loneliness, the silence, the loss of my best friend, partner, the closest human in my life. Based on Penny Cheaters negligence I decided that in my vulnerable state I did not wish to be presented with the choice of taking him back. EVER. So I read the gurus recommendations and decided to do the complete opposite. I looked needy, desperate, stopped the grooming, got drunk when Penny Cheater was coming over to see the kids. I did everything against all internet advice. I made sure that there would be no way of any return from this Penny Cheater. His side of the bed was cold. And that’s the way it was going to stay. I did not want to choose. I was not going back. I did not wish to set myself up to be hurt again. Once bitten once ridden.

 

Lists – Your New Romance

Alistsfter 22 years of marriage, in less than a day, it was all over. From sharing the load to carrying the full load over night. It’s a heavy load for one in a flash ( I wanted to write “a fuck” but evidence indicates his affair had been going on for over a year, maybe more) My admiration for single parents, which I am now a member,  I can only applaud you all.

You loose your partner, best friend, at a time when you need them the most. Penny Cheater has no idea what this means. He just jumped from one bed to the next in the first night of separation. Lucky PC!  But now you find yourself with what you use to do every day, what your Penny Cheater did every day AND all the fucking shitty painful crap you now have to drive to completion like legalities, finances, preparing house for sale, buying a new one, nurturing hurt children and primarily doing all this through a haze of humiliation, lack of dignity, embarrassment, hurt, unbearable pain and often a drink or four.

But in this very ugly process you do gain a new surrogate Penny Cheater in the form of “lists”. Your new romance.  Oh my, the amount of lists I have written. My attempt, your attempt, to organize your brain, keep it together at a time when you just can’t hold it together any longer. Lists ground you. They let you dump the overwhelming confusion on to paper to allow you  to deal with tomorrow and thus leaving the evening free to grieve the brutal loss and hurt of a Penny Cheater.

Kicking out your Penny Cheater is like having a baby. One day you are thinking for two. The next day, you are thinking for someone new. You instantly split the thinking into three or four depending on how many children you have. A pet or two just takes it to a whole new level.  Totally sucks yer brains out for a while until you get into the groove. keep-calm-and-groove-on-14

Loosing your Penny Cheater is the same.  Thinking, organizing, planning, living, loving, surviving….once shared by two.

Lists, lists and more lists. My attempt at keeping the loss of Penny Cheater together. Bring on the groove.